Ahhhhh!!!!! I had so much written out. I just checked one thing and boom it's all gone. So let's start over... we have our first appointment with the oncologist Thursday, December 27th. I am terrified of what she is going to say. I don't know if I am strong enough to do this. I am scared I'm going to lose my husband, my best friend and my rock. He has always been the strong one. I'm doing my best to keep it completely together. That I have been extremely successful at hiding how I feel, I've only broken down twice in front of him. I always knew because of our age difference that I would lose him before I was ready, but then that leaves the question is anyone ever really ready to be told they have cancer. He is my bestfriend he is my safety net and he is my rock. I loved this man for more than half my life. I am not used to being the strong one. I feel like I am loosing him to a battle I don't know how to fight. Hopefully we will get some answers on Thursday. I'm praying that we are going to come out of this on the side closer and stronger than we are now. I'm going to have to hold on to that to get through this because if I don't believe that then we don't really have any hope left. I will post more on Thursday after we see the oncologist.
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